I help divorced ballerinas lose 17 pounds in July

i was talking to this dude at the gym today. i asked him what he does when he’s not lifting weights. he hemmed and hawed, then I realized that I actually didn’t care that much. i was more curious about how he makes money. so I asked. he always has a tripod and films his training so I already knew it had to be fitness coaching, but I asked anyway.

“coaching.”

cool. you get clients on instagram and shit?

“yes. well, I’m just getting started so I’m still trying to figure it out”

cool. i’m not on Instagram right now, show me your page real quick?

he took out his phone and loaded his IG page.

fuck. he had one of those “I help X achieve Y” things in his bio.

god dammit. not you, bro. i thought you were cool.

i kept thinking about it through the rest of my workout.

i don’t know why it bugs me so much.

i guess the first thing that comes to mind when i see one is “ok this motherfucker is clearly here to sell some shit.”

but on it’s face, that isn’t a problem.

my default assumption when i see anyone posting on a social media platform is that they’re trying to sell something. hell, even when i was using IG and not explicitly making offers, underneath it all, it’s about selling some shit. or building influence or relationships for some point in the future to sell some shit.

so that isn’t it.

so what’s my beef?

is it laziness? the lack of creativity?

i mean, seriously. surely anyone who helps X with Y is also able to help A with C. Or J with M. they can’t be serious, right?

maybe i’m just being a dick.

does it flatten them out? are they putting themselves in a box? are they even thinking about how they’re “showing up?”

(”showing up” — fucking corny. sounds like influencer, hippie bullshit. onward.)

why the fuck do I even care.

...is it that it’s basically a declaration that there’s not gonna be anything interesting here?

my substack domain is nonichenoproblem.com. my first post was something like “I help divorced ballerinas lose 17 pounds in July.”

that was years ago.

if you ain’t a divorced ballerina, i can’t help you with shit so leave me alone.