is it authentic? or is it a strategy?

My therapist asked me this question the other day. It was during our first session. I told her about what’s been going on with me over the last few years. I described my approach to social media. The extreme character, bold statements, outlandish positions.

I told her I’ve been consistently building businesses and audiences — and then annually doing something to sabotage them — to burn them down. 

I’d been trying to answer that question for myself going back at least a year. Probably more.

“Do I even give a fuck about any of this stuff? Or am I just writing it because people read it and respond?”

The morning after this session, I had a conversation with someone about one of her projects. She’s a coach and she was telling me about the struggles she’s been having with her work — trying to figure out if she’s really helping people, or if she’s just spinning her wheels. She told me about her desire to make people more independent, more capable — to get them to the point of not needing her anymore.

I was switched on immediately. I was reminded of a quote by Werner Erhard, the founder of EST (which became The Forum, and now Landmark).

Someone asked him “what makes EST a success? Why is this working so well?”

Knowing her, I knew his response would be absolutely abhorrent to her. It’s fucking disgusting. But it’s also fucking amazing. 

I’m not going to tell you what the quote is — not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Or you might be able to find it with a little bit of googling. (If you do find it, respond to this email and let me know)

But I will tell you that the resultant conversation was so much fun. I loved it. It’s what prompted my post the other day about 80/15/5. 

We talked for about an hour — bouncing ideas around and just playing.

She said “you know why I like talking to you so much?  You’re willing to take a position that you might not even fully believe, just to have fun with ideas… to play. You make me think about things like no one else I’ve ever met.” (Or something like that)

Anyway, at the end of this conversation, I was absolutely fucking certain:

I fucking love this shit.

The answer to my therapists question, “is it authentic or is it a strategy?” Is “YES.”

It’s both. It’s authentic and it’s based in strategy.

I’ve been in a bad way for a while now, but I’m starting to feel alive again. 

I’m not happy with my writing yet. This email/post could have been sharper. I could have been more clear. I could have told a better story, but fuck it man. It’ll come.

Thanks for reading.