Your flight is delayed for the WORST reason

I’m sending this from 30,000 feet — flying from Chicago to San Diego.

The flight was delayed for a couple hours. No problem. I had my computer and I kinda like working in airports. I helped a client edit a few emails and caught up on some of my own.

So, yeah, delays? No big deal.

That is, until we boarded the flight and the captain told us why we were delayed.

His first words to us:

“Ok folks, let me start by apologizing for the delay. Someone on the inbound flight got sick and soiled several of the seats, so we had to go through extra cleaning protocols to get the aircraft ready for you.”

SOILED.

SEVERAL.

He actually said these words. 

He said “soiled.” 

SOILED.

Why couldn’t he have just lied to us?

Or, at the very least, if you’re not going to lie to us, why did you have to go with “soiled?”

Like, which seats? Am I in one of those seats?

He may as well have said:

“I’m not going to tell you whether it was ass or mouth, but rest assured, folks, our cleaning crew is world class.”

How am I supposed to relax knowing I might be in one of these “soiled” seats?

At least it gave me something to write.

Next time you hear from me, it’ll be from California. 

It might even have some actual content.

PS - no it’s not a Spirit Airlines flight. I would just assume every seat on those planes are “soiled.”