I can't describe it concisely because everytime I try it feels like it only touches on one facet of it. But, I think these all point at the same thing:
- When my muse left, she took all my creativity with her.
- Everyone seems to use/abuse me for their own entertainment.
- Are they actually abusing me or is it all in my head?
- I do things that seem like logical responses to abuse, but escalate conflict and ruin relationships.
- Is it good or bad that those relationships are ruined?
- Should I be a doormat or should I kick everyone out?
- Should I accept help or tell people to mind their own business?
- Am I too much or too little?
- Why does everyone try to put me in a box against my will? Do those boxes serve me or not?
- Why do I seem to have been put on Earth to trigger other people? Is this good or bad?
- How do I find "my people" without being a chameleon?
- Why does it feel like everyone is constantly testing my boundaries?
- Why can't they just enjoy the show?
- Should I stick to the script or make the audience happy?
- How can I make money while all this is going on?
Good questions and observations. I know you're not asking for answers, but here are some anyway:
1. Relatable.
2. Where does this happen? on social media?
3. (my guess would be this in your head)
4. I can relate to escalating conflict and ruining relationships, but I am curious about this abuse you speak of.
5. It's probably bad that relationships are "ruined." That seems to imply something extra. Maybe not bad when some of them just end though.
6. Which would accomplish your purposes? Door mat or eviction? Are there other options? Probably.
7. You should accept help. 100%. I think there are a few good things coming out of this experience i'm having right now, and one of them is definitely learning how to accept help from people. I isolated and avoided people for as long as I can remember because I didn't want to be a burden. That was a mistake.
8. Probably both. Depends on the situation, yeah?
9. People like simple things they can easily understand. Boxes & labels help. Those boxes are important for a lot of reasons and you should not always try to get out of them.
10. Maybe that's one of your superpowers? I think it's one of mine. It's good when it's good and it ain't when it ain't.
11. How many of "your people" have you found so far?
12. Because they are testing your boundaries.
13. Maybe they don't understand how to enjoy the show. Maybe they think they're supposed to be involved. Maybe you're encouraging their involvement and they think they're doing it right.
14. Do you actually have a script? Making the audience happy is probably good regardless. At least some of the time. And especially when they're new audience members are they don't yet know the rules of engagement.
Regarding "abuse", maybe it's a strong word, but I don't know. You were charging people to like your posts. You didn't want them doing what they were doing for free. I don't know exactly how you look at it, but that's what I'm calling "abuse" (the thing they were trying to do for free).
😂 I'm having a hard time making that leap. If there was any abuse happening in that situation, it was me abusing them.
(i think i might kinda know what you mean, but your other comment seems more interesting to me right now... or at least, something I can maybe help with)
They're related, though. How can I have a market research conversation with a potential client when, in the back of my mind, I'm trying to figure out if this is a potential abuser?
Your behavior might have been an unnuanced overreaction, but come on. You were reacting to something real that you noticed.
Ooh, thanks for addressing all of those. I've thought a bit more, and now I'm thinking these aren't actually the "problems", but more like the psychological stage on which the problems take place. Eternal spiritual struggles that'll never fully be resolved. The answer to most of them is, as you put it, "Probably both. Depends on the situation, yeah?".
Given that, the problems may be unique to me. Here's one: I want a client. I have thousands of followers across various platforms, a couple hundred people on my mailing list. But, I don't feel like I know anyone well enough to justify inventing an offer. So, I'm having conversations. But, people are ghosting me or giving me a hard time. A bunch of them have indicated they see me more as a friend than as a coach.
I think you're right about that psychological stage thing. Well said.
Re: your client situation
1. Do you have any clients right now? (free? paid? how many of each?)
2. Conversations are good. How many have you had?
3. At the end (or any point during the conversation), has anyone ever asked you a question like "ok, so, can you help me with X? or "do you work with clients?"
4. What's the ratio of you talking vs them talking? Have you ever recorded a conversation with something like Otter.ai (it tells you what percentage of time each participant was talking)
5. Have you actually made a coaching/consulting offer to any of these people? Have you asked them for money? (it's shocking how many times i've had a conversation like this with someone who wants clients and their answer to this question is "well, no")
I appreciate the questions. I could give literal answers to them, but something feels off and I can't put my finger on it. I hate to be that guy who doesn't let himself be coached, but it's like we haven't fully worked out shared assumptions about something.
I'm here because I get the sense you're working on a problem that's similar to one I'm working on.
Thanks bro. What problem are you working on? Can you describe it?
I can't describe it concisely because everytime I try it feels like it only touches on one facet of it. But, I think these all point at the same thing:
- When my muse left, she took all my creativity with her.
- Everyone seems to use/abuse me for their own entertainment.
- Are they actually abusing me or is it all in my head?
- I do things that seem like logical responses to abuse, but escalate conflict and ruin relationships.
- Is it good or bad that those relationships are ruined?
- Should I be a doormat or should I kick everyone out?
- Should I accept help or tell people to mind their own business?
- Am I too much or too little?
- Why does everyone try to put me in a box against my will? Do those boxes serve me or not?
- Why do I seem to have been put on Earth to trigger other people? Is this good or bad?
- How do I find "my people" without being a chameleon?
- Why does it feel like everyone is constantly testing my boundaries?
- Why can't they just enjoy the show?
- Should I stick to the script or make the audience happy?
- How can I make money while all this is going on?
Good questions and observations. I know you're not asking for answers, but here are some anyway:
1. Relatable.
2. Where does this happen? on social media?
3. (my guess would be this in your head)
4. I can relate to escalating conflict and ruining relationships, but I am curious about this abuse you speak of.
5. It's probably bad that relationships are "ruined." That seems to imply something extra. Maybe not bad when some of them just end though.
6. Which would accomplish your purposes? Door mat or eviction? Are there other options? Probably.
7. You should accept help. 100%. I think there are a few good things coming out of this experience i'm having right now, and one of them is definitely learning how to accept help from people. I isolated and avoided people for as long as I can remember because I didn't want to be a burden. That was a mistake.
8. Probably both. Depends on the situation, yeah?
9. People like simple things they can easily understand. Boxes & labels help. Those boxes are important for a lot of reasons and you should not always try to get out of them.
10. Maybe that's one of your superpowers? I think it's one of mine. It's good when it's good and it ain't when it ain't.
11. How many of "your people" have you found so far?
12. Because they are testing your boundaries.
13. Maybe they don't understand how to enjoy the show. Maybe they think they're supposed to be involved. Maybe you're encouraging their involvement and they think they're doing it right.
14. Do you actually have a script? Making the audience happy is probably good regardless. At least some of the time. And especially when they're new audience members are they don't yet know the rules of engagement.
15. Coaching & consulting is always a good bet.
Regarding "abuse", maybe it's a strong word, but I don't know. You were charging people to like your posts. You didn't want them doing what they were doing for free. I don't know exactly how you look at it, but that's what I'm calling "abuse" (the thing they were trying to do for free).
😂 I'm having a hard time making that leap. If there was any abuse happening in that situation, it was me abusing them.
(i think i might kinda know what you mean, but your other comment seems more interesting to me right now... or at least, something I can maybe help with)
They're related, though. How can I have a market research conversation with a potential client when, in the back of my mind, I'm trying to figure out if this is a potential abuser?
Your behavior might have been an unnuanced overreaction, but come on. You were reacting to something real that you noticed.
Ooh, thanks for addressing all of those. I've thought a bit more, and now I'm thinking these aren't actually the "problems", but more like the psychological stage on which the problems take place. Eternal spiritual struggles that'll never fully be resolved. The answer to most of them is, as you put it, "Probably both. Depends on the situation, yeah?".
Given that, the problems may be unique to me. Here's one: I want a client. I have thousands of followers across various platforms, a couple hundred people on my mailing list. But, I don't feel like I know anyone well enough to justify inventing an offer. So, I'm having conversations. But, people are ghosting me or giving me a hard time. A bunch of them have indicated they see me more as a friend than as a coach.
I think you're right about that psychological stage thing. Well said.
Re: your client situation
1. Do you have any clients right now? (free? paid? how many of each?)
2. Conversations are good. How many have you had?
3. At the end (or any point during the conversation), has anyone ever asked you a question like "ok, so, can you help me with X? or "do you work with clients?"
4. What's the ratio of you talking vs them talking? Have you ever recorded a conversation with something like Otter.ai (it tells you what percentage of time each participant was talking)
5. Have you actually made a coaching/consulting offer to any of these people? Have you asked them for money? (it's shocking how many times i've had a conversation like this with someone who wants clients and their answer to this question is "well, no")
I appreciate the questions. I could give literal answers to them, but something feels off and I can't put my finger on it. I hate to be that guy who doesn't let himself be coached, but it's like we haven't fully worked out shared assumptions about something.