why shouldn’t I share this?
I’m trying to understand why I might not want to share certain aspects of my personal life — my “process” — other than the obvious reasons:
If it has no purpose, if it doesn’t advance the story, if it doesn’t make a point relevant to the work I’m trying to get done, or maybe most importantly: if it might hurt someone I care about or damage relationships (guilty, btw).
I get all that.
I can understand why that stuff might want to remain off the table. If not kept completely private, maybe only surfaced in conversations with a small cadre of close friends.
Besides the above-mentioned reasons, though — I’m not sure.
I don’t understand the point of “containment” for my own personal “growth.”
When my therapist (and other friends) suggest to me that I might want to check my “boundaries” …
… that, perhaps, I might not want to let that “energy” out and keep it inside — what the hell does this even mean?
What energy? What the fuck are you talking about?
How might I grow more if I keep this “energy” contained?
To be clear, I’m not disputing the idea. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even be writing about it if I didn’t have a sense that there’s something true about it.
I’m thinking out loud. I’m having conversations about this with people who are close to me. I’m trying to understand.
What about what I’m doing right now? As I write this, which I fully intend to publish, am I “leaking” “energy?”
I don’t like to use the expression “hippie shit” anymore, but I mean… c’mon guy.
Am I leaking? Or am I processing unclarified thoughts and feelings?
Does my intent matter? Does the reason that I’m doing this matter?
Am I really trying to process? Or am I just telling a story that I think might make you laugh? Or “deepen our connection?”
Am I just being vulnerable because I know it works? Because I know it’s a foundation of influence?
Is this “authentic” or is it a strategy?
Would it be better if I just wrote this and didn’t publish it? Would that mean I wasn’t “leaking?”
(I’ll try not to say “leaking” anymore.)
I’m not sure.
I can tell you all sorts of reasons why you SHOULD share personal stuff.
Maybe I will this week. I’m much more comfortable in that space.
Sorry if I leaked on you.
PS - yes, I’m going to ask my therapist (her name is Carly, btw) about this. Maybe I should have done that first? Whoops.
One potential problem is this:
1. You share a piece of your soul in an attempt to create deeper connections.
2. Alice, who can sense in her bones that you're a validation junkie, throws you some fake validation so she can feel important.
3. You mistake it for real validation and share even more.
4. Once Alice is tired of you or gets distracted by a new shiny object, she leaves and takes all her fake validation with her.
5. You're left crushed and feeling like it's not safe to share that part of your soul anymore.
Interesting question about what benefit does it serve to hold it close. Songwriters, poets, painters all use their crafts to express and work through their emotions. What is different about your method?